Thursday, December 24, 2009

Santa Claus Conquers the Blog

Dear Reader(s),

Apparently there is something called 'Christmas' happening at the moment, which a lot of people are pretty excited about. This blog is also excited. This blog loves a holiday. Also, talking about itself in third person.

In the spirit of sharing and caring, I humbly suggest Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) as possible festive entertainment/family torture time. It receives a tragically unjust 2.2/10 from IMDb but don't let that put you off.

Just switch it on after everyone has eaten themselves stationary and can't escape. What is it all about? Well, obviously Santa is involved. Also some Martians. And a robot made out of a cardboard box.

Don't want to spoil the surprise.

I've embedded the MST3K version. If you don't know what that means... you are in for a treat. Or you will think it's impossibly stupid. Either way, it's Santa versus Martians so you can't go wrong.

[Edit: the copyright police blocked my embedded version but fear not you can watch Santa battle Martians right here. Until it gets blocked again.]

Alternatively, you could watch Santa Claus (1959), which receives an even more devastating 1.8/10 from IMDb. Why?? Well, perhaps because an alternate title might be 'Santa Claus Conquers the Devil.'

As you can see, the Devil is going around trying to make children evil. Apparently God is busy delivering presents because it's Santa's job to make the kiddies good again.

This film is also rife with offensive racial stereotypes (is the Devil in blackface? Don't get me started on the 'multicultural' children in Santa's workshop) and bizarre technologies.

The film still is from a blog dedicated to Santa Claus where, among other things, you can vote for the 'creepiest gadget' in Santa's secret lab. Yes, he has a secret lab. And it's pretty creepy. And grotesque. Giant lips emerging from walls, anyone? Ears attached to satellite dishes? Eyes on stalks? Check, check aaand check.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!



  1. My favorite Christmas movies are Die Hard and Black Santa's Revenge